icp… miraculous.

in case any of you have been stuck under a rock, icp released their latest video on 4/6.  and it is glorious.  so glorious that this morning, while i had my morning dose of nicotine on the skreeps, i noticed some construction cats taking a 10 story scaffolding apart using a pulley.  and i thought to myself, “damn, son… that shit is magical.”  and so is this video/song.  “fucking magnets, how do they work?”  shit deserves a damn ascap award.  anyway, the crazy ass white bwois prompted me to make a list of some of the most miraculous, yet unappreciated phenomena in life.  so in no particular order, i present to you… miraculous ish:

1. the pulley – seriously… some baller shit.  innovation at it’s finest.  shit runs in cars, shit helps wile e. coyote try to get the drop on roadrunner, all sortsa uses.  archimedes, i see you.

2. the wheel – this shit was invented in the 5th millennium bc.  wild.  mesopotamians unleashed some shit with this, including the invention of spinner jewelry and spinner hub caps.  again… baller.

3. instant noodles – invented in ’71, this shit has been feeding broke fools and late night stoners for 39 years strong.  i mean, real talk, just add hot water and you got a meal?  fuck outta here.

4.  the hammer – this simple tool dates back to 2,400,000 bce.  that’s some old shit.  cavemen (and even monkeys, for real, watch life) figured using something big and hard to hit something small would be more affective than say punching it.

5. fucking magnets – i mean really… how do they work?  these curious pieces of metal have been documented by many cultures form about 2500 years back.  wild shit, from compasses, trains, to fridge magnet letters that allow you to create silly phrases on you weird friend’s fridge, amazing stuff here.  shout out to kingda ka and magneto.

6. the snuggie – some new shit.  ’08 style.  if you live in new york city, you know that winter means 1 of two things.  your radiator is too hot.  or your radiator is not hot enough.  for the latter, we have the snuggie.  a way to keep your xbox 360 controller above the blankets while staying warm and lookin’ like a wizard.  at the same time.

7. the xbox 360 – i just love mine.  a lot.  and i have no idea how it works… but it’s magical.  like a rainbow having sex with a unicorn.

8. the taun taun sleeping bag – a sleeping bag that looks like a taun taun, complete with light saber zipper pull?  fuck ouuutta here.  i’ll get my skywalker on in that ish.  if you don’t know what a taun taun is?  i pity you.

9. the pill – sometime in the 1930’s, some crazy scientists invented this amazing lil pill.  you mean, my girl pops this, i can go raw, and she won’t go pregnant?  sold.

10. youtube – because without youtube, i wouldn’t have a job, i wouldn’t know about the new icp video, i’d miss most awesome sports highlights and not have the ability to loop them, and shit, how would i waste my time?

seriously though, when have you ever woken up and been like… “damn i’m glad someone invented the wheel, cuz i gotta roll homey.”  not never.  this enitre list was inspired by the good folks at snl, who sploofed something… that really needed no sploofing.

**on a dead serious note, what gave these guys the bright idea to ever start a lyrical confrontation with em?  baffles  me.


~ by col.rice on April 19, 2010.

2 Responses to “icp… miraculous.”

  1. Pity me no more Col. Rice…I googled taun taun and now I know…which leads me to another question: how did the act of looking stuff up become googling? I mean…what the f@kk is a google???

    On another note…your style is nice…keep it coming!

    • i’m glad i could open your world up to taun tauns. and yes, google is equally miraculous. i’m just glad yahoo never popped off, imagine if people said, ‘lemme yahoo that.’ tragic.

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