the carrot top of pop music.

lady gaga is the carrot top of pop music.  i been saying it for a minute now (only to *gasp* responses from women and gays alike), but really, does anyone take this bitch seriously?  i mean… does her music mean anything?  sure, she likes to throw you the controversial visuals (ooooh, cigarette sunglasses), she’ll get away with a lot of near nudity, and yes, for the millionth time, i’ve heard her sing while playing the piano.  without a doubt, the girl can sing.  but does she?  what’s the point of her having some 5 year old youtube clip of her actually singing with her voice and no filters or vocoders when none of her current music, which is why she’s in any sort of spotlight to begin with, reflects that talent?

here’s my problem… from jump, i had no interest.  a: she’s not that hot.  b: her songs are a crap mesh of pop and dance music (i hate dance music, but it’s not my fault, i worked in that shit for 6 years).  c: her videos and choice of garb make me think she is one of those people who need you to know that they’re crazy and artistic.  like art students who walk around in their overalls splattered with paint, “look at me!  i’m an artist!”  can’t stand that shit.  ain’t nothin’ about being an artist that says you can’t shower or wear clean clothes… but i digress.  the gaga.  lyrically?  nothing special.  sure she wrote telephone, but what the fuck is the song saying?  and please, spare me the illuminati bullshit, she ain’t that deep.  maybe the fella that directs her music videos, but not her.  i refuse to believe it.  to me, she’s more of a shock jock on top of beats… yet…  her musical content isn’t all that shocking… just the videos.  so is she really worth an entire spread of new york magazine?  the girl has had 3 different iterations of her musical career, all very different genres and sounds… makes me wonder… is she into making music?  or does she just want to be famous?

so what the fuck is it i’m trying to say?  don’t buy the hype.  these fame whores who just want to dazzle you with their crazy outfits and blood splattered stages are what makes music terrible (to me anyway).  on top of that, i refuse to believe any of the couple hundred in depth analysis of this telephone video, considering how much of the video was about product placement, and her proving that she wasn’t a hermaphrodite (although… proving that has proven to be difficult).  for real, for real, it’s the exact same shit carrot top does for his stand up act, she might as well carry around a big box of props.  only cool part was the pussy wagon and the stoge sunglasses. speaking of the pussy wagon, anyone notice that for the first few days the video was up, they had zero censorship whatsoever?  they even say “motherfucker” in the video with no age restrictions popping up.  now i’m all for freedom of cursing, but i got bands i work with that have their videos age restricted because they have a few girls in thongs dancing in them.  this bitch wraps herself in tape, drives the pussy wagon, and curses in her video… and everyone is ok with it?  ask 50, he noticed.

in summary, i think m.i.a. put it best the other day in her nme interview:

People say we’re similar, that we both mix all these things in the pot and spit them out differently, but she spits it out exactly the same! None of her music’s reflective of how weird she wants to be or thinks she is. She models herself on Grace Jones and Madonna, but the music sounds like 20-year-old Ibiza music, you know? She’s not progressive, but she’s a good mimic. She sounds more like me than I fucking do! That’s a talent and she’s got a great team behind her, but she’s the industry last’s stab at making itself important – saying, ‘You need our money behind you, the endorsements, the stadiums’ Respect to her, she’s keeping a hundred thousand people in work, but my belief is: Do It Yourself.



~ by col.rice on April 9, 2010.

One Response to “the carrot top of pop music.”

  1. great article. there always has to be a great entertainer for the masses to sweat and she is the flavor of the minute. but this is what the masses are fed and like sheep, they accept it. we can’t hate the providers, though. let’s hate the sheep.

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