sometimes, you need to laugh…

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so i woke up all sortsa ornery this am.  thinking bout what to post… was thinking i would post something about the crazy teabag party fuckers who are terrorizing innocent civilians now… which would’ve inevitably evolved into a rant about how at first, it was entertaining to see all the closet racists and classist fucks in washington get their panties in a bunch about healthcare reform… and about how shit seems to be taking a ridiculous turn now(i.e. crazy teabaggers ramming people’s cars b/c they have obama bumper stickers, seriously, click the link above).  started doing some research and shit just got downright depressing.  then… i stumbled upon this.

first of all.  thank you world star Hip Hop.  you truly have a way about putting a smile on a dude’s face when he needs it.  second of all, thank you fat drunken texas white guy with a tapout shirt on at whataburger, you crazy summabitch you.  and thirdly, thank you gracie family for spreading the good word of jiu jitsu, through any means necessary.  so, all 500 of you who happen to be on this site regularly (despite the lack of guru updates, you gossip hungry bastards), click the pic above, load the link, and enjoy my play by play:

0:01- c.stone the breadwinner (of paul wall’s camp) introduces the video, and clearly denounces any involvement in ‘the situation’.  then reminds you, “only in texas… only in texas…” (a fair warning).

0:20- fat drunken texas white guy in a tapout shirt demands cheeseburger from local whataburger.  please keep in mind tapout is a brand of clothing devoted entirely to mixed martial arts.

0:37 – fat drunken texas white guy’s friend attempts to calm him down.  fails miserably with the countdown method and acknowledges his epic fail.  walks off.

0:50 – fat drunken texas white guy begins to vent his frustration about his lack of cheeseburger and fries upon all customers who are eating at the tables.  claims he will whup all their asses, collectively, as he has no cheeseburger.  random bearded white fella responds with a smile on his face.  doesn’t seem to appreciate the noise as he eats alone.

1:02 – fat drunken texas white guy is not happy about his response and hits him with a tirade of “shut up” repeatedly.  a debate ensues.

1:30 – fat drunken texas white guy files a complaint at the counter about the bearded fella.  then attempts to have the much larger, much taller, black gentleman agree with him.

2:11 – after much discourse, fat drunken texas white guy has had enough and decides to confront the bearded fella.

2:15 – bearded fella confronts fat drunken texas white guy head on with his version of a double leg takedown.  this process takes 5 seconds (longest takedown in the history of wrassling).

*note to those who aspire to be mixed martial artists, learn takedowns from real wrestlers, bjj takedowns are wack sauce at best.

2:21 – bearded fella drops into sidemount and contains fat drunken texas white guy with an arm triangle.  please remember, the fat drunken texas white guy was the one talking shit and rocking his awesome mma gear.

2:23 – fat drunken texas white guy pulls his pants up, while suffocating in an arm triangle.

2:30 – fat drunken texas white guy miraculously pulls a sweep, and attempts to take the bearded fella’s back.

2:35 – bearded fella escapes out the back and reverses positions to sidemount.  places fat drunken texas white guy in a kimura lock and asks him if he’s done fighting.

2:48 – fat drunken texas white guy struggles, attempts to circle to north/south (surprisingly), paul wall camp explodes into laughter.

3:01 – fat drunken texas white guy aimlessly attempts to hit bearded fella with his free hand while still on his back.  fruitless, but entertaining.  paul wall camp and random civilians comment that things like this happen, “only in america”.  god bless america.

3:11 – bearded fella finally let’s him go.  fat drunken texas white guy looks like he still wants to go… while on his back.  punches the arm that the bearded fella gives him to help him stand.

3:18 – bearded fella drops into a crucifix hold, leaving both fat drunken texas white guy’s arms… totally useless.

3:25 – fat drunken texas white guy gets one arm out… again… struggles.

3:50 – pwnage of fat drunken texas white guy ends, bjj white belt is victorious.  paul wall wraps things up.


shout outs to world star Hip Hop.


~ by col.rice on March 26, 2010.

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