ufc signs james toney…

most who know me know that i’m an avid student of all things pugilistic.  loved boxing since i was a child, been working my hands for the last 6 years or so.  i also enjoy grappling quite a bit, after my first ufc viewing experience on vhs, i was hooked.  wrestled that one year i was in high school in the states for that very reason.  up until maybe 2-3 years ago, these worlds never collided.  they remained separate entities, mostly due to the fact that the ufc was a failing organization and mixed martial arts as a whole was not catching on in these united states.  enter dana white and the fertita brothers (zuffa inc.) and look where we at now.  you got floyd talking reckless about getting in the cage, you got mma cats talking reckless about choking boxers out and how they sellin’ more ppv’s (which they are).  not really sure what i feel about the ‘colliding’ of the two different cultures, as, that’s exactly what they are.  two completely different worlds. 

today, the ufc announced they signed james toney, and of course, that dick riding bastard, kevin iole, has to report it for yahoo sports.  first of all… iole claims toney is a “future boxing hall of famer.”  i beg to differ.  who has he fought?  what he tko’ed a 40 year old holyfield in ’03?  he beat rahman twice?  not to mention two doping charges from ’05 – ’07.  his biggest test had to be roy in ’94… and he didn’t pass.  but i digress, we’re talking mma here, not boxing, right?

so james claims, “dana put his foot in his mouth and said ufc guys are better fighters than boxers. we’ll see. everyone who knows anything about fighting knows i’m the purest fighter in the game. there ain’t no secrets.”  and so i ask you mr. toney… you do realize he’s talking about a cage, not a ring?  and he’s talking about 8 points of striking (punches, elbows, kicks, and knees), not the usual 2 like in boxing?  and secondly… who says you’re the purest fighter in the game?  it’s been a secret to me.  seriously homey, we don’t believe you, you need more people.  you just stepped into a whole new arena, dunny.  not only that, but you’re insisting to fight in the heavyweight class, which coincidentally, is dominated by much larger cats who have college wrestling pedigrees and bad ass brazilian jiu jitsu black belts… not too many strikers in that division.  not to say that any of these cats could out box you in a boxing ring… but again… this is mma.  so, here’s to you perfecting your takedown defense, good sir.  to motivate you, i’ve put together a list of hypothetical opponents and results (based on mmaweekly’s HW rankings):

frank mir – loss,  submission – armbar, 1st round

cain velasquez – loss, tko – ground and pound, 1st round

junior dos santos – loss, tko – tapped due to leg kicks, 3rd round

shane carwin – loss, tko – ground and pound, 1st round

antonio rodrigo nogueira – loss, submission – anaconda choke, 1st round

brock lesnar – loss, tko – ground and pound, 1st minute

enjoy that feeling of the mat on your back, mr. toney.  i see a lot of it in your future.  fatass.

oh yeah… and #FUCKSOLAR, HA!  (i just wanted to say it…)

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~ by col.rice on March 4, 2010.

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