99 problems and a d!ck ain’t one

Lately, I’ve been paying attention to chatroom conversations, cause despite efforts to the contrary…eventually people say what they really feel.( I guess it has something to do with the anonymity of the internet.) I have put my two cents in on a lot of discussions that range anywhere from politics to race relations to recipes…but mostly I listen…….and some of the things I hear are amazing! Shocking even.

Question: How did we go from a generation of women who had sex cause it was required (the 50’s) to a generation of women who got it on with anybody who had a pulse (the 60’s and beyond) to today….where Im hearing women who actually think its clever to withhold sex from their man as a punishment?

Example: He knows I wanted him to pick me up from my book club meeting…he could have skipped that game this one time……….so guess what… none for him tonight!


First of all….if we gonna be honest…..sometime the reason we want him to pick us up from the book club meeting has much more to do with showing him off( see heffas….I got a man!) than the actual need for transportation. Secondly….todays’ woman is likely to be better educated and much more enlightened than women of generations past, so we know that regular sex boosts the immune system, reduces stress, and increases the levels of the hormone oxytocin (go google it….I’ll wait). Thirdly and perhaps most important……nah……not perhaps……MOST important…sex feels good! Real good! Ever notice the sashay of a woman who got hit off proper the night before…?


So who are we punishing really? So what he didn’t drop everything and come running….so what we really wanted those boots and he didn’t buy them. Is that what we’ve come to?…..we denying ourselves perfectly good sex for a pair of Jimmy Choos’?
Is this the kinda attitude we wanna pass on to our daughters? Really?

Here’s a thought…why don’t we use some of that open communication in a relationship we always talking about? Surely your man is intelligent enough – reasonable enough – to respond favorably to at least some of your requests…….why cut off your nose to spite your face?

Talk to your man ladies……open up the floodgates of discourse…agree to disagree…but in the meantime… you better go head and get yours and stop playing!

authored by : peaches from bklyn

*if per chance you substitute p@ssy for d!ck in your list of problems, click here.  -Col.Rice.


~ by livefromheadqcourterz on February 18, 2010.

8 Responses to “99 problems and a d!ck ain’t one”

  1. Well written! This is the part of the reason men look other places and think that their women have become so unreasonable after so many years of not having this problem! It takes a real woman to look inside herself to recognize the real in this. Luvsit!

  2. How about a round of applause, standing ovation! Thank you Miss Peaches, I have had this very conversation with a group of friends and I never understood why a woman/wife used sex as a reward for good behavior??!!! Really??!!! Then are so hurt when they find out the man has been unfaithful, SMH, he’s is going to get it one way or another, what you won’t do the next chick will! My husband gets WHATEVER he wants, WHENEVER, he wants, (yup, that time too, IF he wants) LOL, Hell, if I am mad at him about something, we deal with and move on, nothing comes in the way of our “duties” in the bedroom!

  3. true that! eleanor wisc via the bronx!

  4. It amazes me that women get upset when men use a woman’s body for gain, but when we withhold intimacy as a form as punishment, we are doing the exact same thing…using our bodies for gain. BUT, on the flip side…are men that simple minded that it takes sex to get them motivated? I’ve also recently heard to to maintain a healthy prostate, a man must ejaculate 21 times a month. SO ladies….KEEP YOUR MEN HEALTHY!!!

  5. LOL! If you’re havin’ problems, girl… I feel bad for you, hon! I got 99 problems but sex with my man ain’t one!

    To each her own! I’m not withholding sex from my men as punishment but I’m not giving it up if I’m not in the mood for it either! I vowed years ago that I would never turn my man down when it came to sex, and he knows that. Nor do I expect to be turned down either! With that being said… both of us know not to go looking for it if ish ain’t in order. That way we both get to be true to our words and no one is ever disappointed! Women who use sex as a means of control have yet to experience the real power of love! It’s not about withholding or rewarding sex… it’s about “we’re so in tune that I want it just because he wants it and the simple fact that I’m excited has him excited.” When you vibe like that it’s utterly impossible to use sex as a punishment or reward system! However, that applies to people in real relationships I can’t front like in my youth I didn’t have a man (perhaps 2) whose sole purpose was to break a sistah off on those certain occasions. Now even though the sex was undoubtedly going to be great otherwise he would have never fit the bill for that role it still came with strings attached on both ends… but that was then and this is now! I’m just saying!

  6. I agree with those who have said that women who use sex to manipulate their men are in the wrong. You have to ask though, did something happen to those women that taught them this was proper? Something never comes from nothing…and there are plenty of men out there who manipulate their women. It goes both ways unfortunately. Best way to avoid this kind of game playing, and manipulation is – as the author says – open communication. Sometimes however, and this goes for men and women – it’s easier to manipulate than communicate. It’s a shame, but communication can be taught. I say if you love someone you’ll work at learning new things, communication included.

  7. The funny thing about this post is I JUST went through this with someone and they arent even my woman!! Because I am on the grind I work alot and involved in the music industry heavy she says now I dont have any time for her and when I do make the time its not enough so today she was done for good. Who needs a partner that doesnt have their back when they need them there or gets mad because you are out there working hard. Ok you’re done? BYE!! LOL Im not going to stress myself because you feel I’m not giving you enough time, but when this is all said and done and we are going on cruises guess who is gonna be the happiest one…not you because you are gone!! Love your posts keep up the good work.

    Chuck P.

  8. Peaches, I’ve known you since back in the day in Brooklyn, and if there’s any women I would listen to and take advice from ,it would be you. Keep up the good work, love this post, will inform my friends and family about it, and I’ll chat with you soon.

    Vernon H.

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