freddie foxxx vs. cormega

ahhhh, made you look.  corny bastards and your google searches.  whattap intrawebs.  considering this is the live from headqcourterz blog and will most likely attract quite a few dj premier fans from around the world, we thought we’d start this blog off with a friendly set of rules/reminders/guidelines, what have you, for those of you who plan to visit our fair city (more on the actual ‘beef’ later).

new york city is the city of pedestrians.  we walk… everywhere.  if you too bourgeois to walk and you take cabs, car services, got a car, or even wilder, got a driver; go fuck yourself, this post is not for you (i kid, i kid, go enjoy your fly lifestyle homey, i won’t hate).    but if you do come to new york and you will be walking, take heed, there are rules to this game.  the sidewalks of new york city are raw, son.  round here?  we don’t play.  it’s like human nascar.  you will get dive bombed for foolishness bwoi.  so without further ado, some guidelines on how the fuck to walk when you get here:

1. stay in your lane – some will say it’s the right lane, i say, it’s whatever’s open.  you got an opening?  take it, don’t hesitate.  but real talk, you start dancing around between other lanes like you’s both scoob and scrap lover, you’s getting run the frrruck over. test me.

2. single file-ish – so you’s a happy couple, first time in new york, feelin’ all giddy like you’re in some shitty romantic comedy.  congratulations.  but in all seriousness, watch your back.  you get caught up holding hands, skipping around like this is some love and basketball type shit, you best be able to handle some me & my bitch shit.  now, say you’re in a group of 2+ and ya’ll are lined up across the sidewalk like this is some red rover type ish, not even bothering to consider someone wants to get by your wall of happiness?  trust, i will partake in said game and break your crew off.  feelings will get hurt.  elbows may get sprained.

3. herd mentality – you’re visiting new york with your crew.  it’s a celebration.  people will inevitably hit the sidewalks, looking for late night eats to soak up the booze after a long night.  dudes will be feeling loosey goosey, all sorts of comfortable because you rolled into town with your posse… wrong.  you the away team, homey.  no matter what.  just because you rolled through with 10 of your homies, don’t mean you get to act reckless and slick talk the locals.  this last year, i walked by santacon, some crazy white folk bar crawl where everyone dresses up like santa and gets wasted.  they were near the now completely gentrified les and i was tryna squeeze past the group with 2 local latino gentlemen in front of me trying to do the same (you gotta love our melting pot of a city).  one particular santa, who seemed “frat-ish” by nature, didn’t seem to be pleased by our need to get from point a to b with the least possible resistance and used his pillow belly to bump latino #1 as the three of us attempted to wedge through.  latino #1 was not having that and spun around, seemingly, ready for the actual break dance.  lucky for santa, he spun right around into my arms where i got a nice over/under grip and convinced him, it wasn’t worth it.  turned around and santa had a look like he just sharted himself.  lesson learned.  i felt like a u.n. peace keeper.  and i saved santa’s life.

4. it’s a sidewalk, not a sidestand – some of you will inevitably be awestruck by our beautiful city, decide to take a moment, and look up at the skyline.  some of you will be tooling around with your silly douchephone, trying to app something up or google map your way around.  some of you will just be lost and pause for a moment to find your inner compass.  all this is fine… but please… pull the fuck over.  there’s plenty of room on a nyc sidewalk for you to pull over and readjust yourself for whatever reason.  however, the middle of the sidewalk?  not a great place for you to stop, stand, and decide on whether or not you’ll be going into the deli or not.  seriously… just pull over dukes.  i have a seething desire to double leg takedown all idiots who decide to iphone app it up in the middle of the sidewalk.  if you get tackled, office linebacker style, by a little asian dude, who runs off screaming, “where’s your app for that dick,” don’t say you haven’t been warned.  keep it movin’, or get eighty-sixed.

as for freddie vs. cormega… the track is old, but what was said was said.  i say, let ‘em box it out.  ha!

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~ by col.rice on January 29, 2010.

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